Sabrina Carpenter's Sexiest 'Man's Best Friend' Lyrics: Light Rods, Back Doors and 'Never Getting Laid,' Oh My! Jem Aswad and Steven J.
- - Sabrina Carpenter's Sexiest 'Man's Best Friend' Lyrics: Light Rods, Back Doors and 'Never Getting Laid,' Oh My!
Jem Aswad and Steven J. HorowitzAugust 29, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Sabrina Carpenter is back with "Man's Best Friend," her seventh studio album that arrived on Friday in tandem with the music video for "Tears" — and as expected, the singer is in rare form across the album's dozen tracks.
Over the course of three albums, Carpenter and cowriter Amy Allen have become almost a comedy duo with their innuendo-laden lyrics, a partnership that first (ahem) bore fruit on the "Emails I Can't Send" album and (ahem!) came of age on "Short n' Sweet" has (cough cough) reached full bloom on "Man's Best Friend," a record with no shortage of zingers and quips.
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Curiously, and it may just be our dirty minds at work, many of the lyrics sound dirtier than they actually are, but as Carpenter said to Gayle King about the album on "CBS Mornings," it's "not for any pearl-clutchers." Below are some highlights…
Lots of clever wordplay on the album's lead single to put down a guy who's about as sharp as a round ball.
Why so sexy if so dumb?And how survive the earth so long?If I'm not there, it won't get doneI choose to blame your mom
Perhaps the nastiest song on the record, "Tears" barely veils the metaphor. Surprise, surprise.
I get wet at the thought of youBeing a responsible guyTreating me like you're supposed to doTears run down my thighs
The subject here is a man who "fell in love with self-restraint and now it's getting out of hand," and Sabrina is suffering the consequences:
My man won't touch me with a twenty-foot poleMy man's forgotten his devotionWhere he's gone, God only knows
Enough with the talking, Sabrina wants to get down to business.
Put your loving where your mouth isYeah your paragraphs mean shit to meGet your sorry ass to mine
It's a familiar feeling to anyone who's been stuck in a toxic relationship: it's "what it is, and it's predictable."
And when I reached to pull the plugI swear, it's starts working out
NOBODY'S SON
How pissed is Sabrina about a breakup? So pissed that she's blaming his parents for his actions. Brutal.
That boy is corruptCould you raise him to love me maybe?He sure fucked me upAnd yes I'm talking about your baby
There are no bad feelings for Carpenter after a breakup, only a few salty ones. On "Never Getting Laid," she's made peace with a guy at the end of a relationship, but she does hope that he gets banished to the isle of incels.
I just hope you get agoraphobia somedayAnd all your days are sunnyFrom your window paneWish you a lifetime full of happinessAnd a forever of never getting laid
And, as always, some Sabrina sass:
Us girls are fun but stressful am I right?And you've got a right hand anyway
References to the gods abound on "When Did You Get Hot," the ultimate glow-up anthem.
Sorry I did not see the visionThank the Lord, the fine you has risen
Plus, there's nothing like a little Greek god innuendo…
Congratulations on your new improvementsI bet your light rod's, like, bigger than Zeus'
Ah yes, the drunk dial. Sabrina throws one back at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday to deal with a broken heart on "Go Go Juice," which only leads to her ringing a few exes.
I'm just drinking to call someoneAin't nobody safe when I'm a little bit drunk
Sabrina must have known that the next few lines were gonna stoke speculation. "Could be John or Larry, gosh, who's to say? Or the one that rhymes with 'villain' if I'm feeling that way." Is John code for Shawn? What does it mean that Larry rhymes with Barry? (Does anyone know if villain rhymes with Keoghan?)
DON'T WORRY I'LL MAKE YOU WORRY
"You think that I'm gonna fuck with your head? Well you're absolutely right," warns Sabrina on "Don't Worry I'll Make You Worry." Here are just some of the ways:
Silent treatment and humbling your assWell that's some of my best work
You'll have to take her word for it when she says there's no metaphor here.
Do you want the house tour?I could take you to the first, second, third floorAnd I promise none of this is a metaphorI just want you to come insideBaby what's mine is now yoursI just want you to come insideBut never enter through the back door
You can't break Sabrina's heart, then have a change of heart, at least by her rules. This ABBA-indebted album closer leaves her in a state of extremes — "I wish I had a gun or words, if something got lost in communication" — yet she manages to filter it through a comedic lens.
Well sayonara, or adiosYou're not bilingual but you should knowGoodbye means that you're losing me for life
Plus one last kiss-off for good measure:
I'll say arrivederci, au revoirForgive my French but fuck you, ta ta
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